


rip lava lamp

by triangular



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Other, fucking....i don't know, it was funny at the time, reposting from tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 21:26:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3624828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triangular/pseuds/triangular
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>honestly i don't know</p>
            </blockquote>





	rip lava lamp

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jinngersnap](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jinngersnap/gifts).



“God, Bill, if I knew this is what you were going to do, I never would’ve agreed to that deal!”

“And why, pray tell, are you telling me this? You think I care? Messing around with you is always fun, with or without your approval, Pine Tree.”

Dipper slumped in his newly incorporeal form. It was no use whining. If anything, it made that sneaky rat more smug. And besides, it was all his fault, anyway.  
If Dipper hadn’t been so desperate for answers, there wouldn’t be a sadistic demon inhabiting his easily-damaged preteen body.

“You know, kid, I have some time to spare. How’s about we tour this shabby little shack of yours?” Bill asked with a coy grin, adding under his breath, “Maybe I’ll find something else of use while we’re at it.”

“No!” Dipper snapped, “How about you give me my body back and go _fuck off?!_ ” Dipper’s out-of-character cursing wasn’t helped by his voice cracking in the midst of it; Bill, of course, was all too amused.

“My, such language, Pine Tree. I’m offended,” he said, dramatically putting a hand to “his” chest, unmatched by his toothy grin. “Besides, kid, you and I both know that’s out of the question.”

Dipper rattled out a frustrated sigh. As much as he hated to admit it, Bill had a point. Asking and demanding was futile, he’d need to find another way to get his body back, even if it included humoring the demon for a while.

“Fine, Bill, what do you want to look at? The silly straws in the kitchen?”

“Ooh, you guys have those? You bet I want to play with ‘em!”

Dipper cringed at how excitedly Bill spoke, and was terrified by the possibilities of whatever he meant by “playing” with them.

“…But later. There are other things I want to see,” Bill continued matter-of-factly.

“Like?” Dipper blurted before he could stop himself from asking something so dangerous.

“Well, I’ve seen this room of yours plenty of times before,” (If Dipper had a body, he’d be nervously sweating at this) “So how about….the room of that Stan Pines, _hmm?_ ”

“I—what business do you have with Grunkle Stan?!”

“Plenty, you Nosy Nancy,” Bill said dismissively as he made his way down the stairs, stumbling down them with some awkward grace.

“Whatever you have against him—this situation is only between us!” Dipper insisted, shoving aside his curiosity.

“Oh, if only you knew, my sweet, ever-so-innocent Pine Tree,” Bill sighed, shaking his head. “But you’ll learn soon enough.”

“And would it kill you to stop being so cryptic?!”

“No fun, I swear. Ever thought that’s why you’re still single?”

Dipper immediately shut up in self-consciousness, unwillingly following his possessed body as it approached the door with multiple no-trespassing signs.

“Tsk tsk. Would you believe he was never this secretive before?” Bill mused, prying open the door and stepping inside. “Used to be as open as a book before— _woah_ , he has one of these?!”

Again, Dipper followed his body as Bill sped to Stan’s dresser, wide-eyed.

“What are you getting so excited about? His spare dentures? Wouldn’t put it beyond you,” the preteen spirit scoffed.

“What? No, no—those contraptions are pretty goofy though—it’s _that_ ,” Bill said, pointing towards the mesmerizing object.

“A lava lamp? That’s what amazes the almighty Bill Cipher?” Dipper snorted, growing cocky at the absurdity of it all.

“Getting tired of your sass, girlfriend,” Bill rolled his eyes. “These things are awesome, I could watch one for years!”

He grabbed the unlit novelty and placed it on the floor, declaring, “I gotta turn this thing on!”

Dipper had to catch himself from letting out a “no Bill, no” when he realized it might buy him enough time for Stan to come back and notice the open door, come in, realize Bill was in his body, and help Dipper get him out. That would definitely work, right?

“You can, uh, just use the outlet over there,” Dipper suggested.

Bill stared questioningly before concluding, “Guess you’re a fan of ‘em too, eh, Pine Tree? Good to know.”

Without much haste, Bill plugged in the lamp and flicked on its switch.

“You know,” he began, waiting for the lava to heat up, “I’ve always wondered if you could see one glow through human skin.”

“You— _what?_ ” Dipper squeaked nervously, shifting his eyes. “I…I’m sure it doesn’t, with all those layers of skin and all. No need to get curious or anything.”

“You think so?”

“Well, I…yeah, I’m pretty sure!” Dipper added quietly to himself, “Can’t believe I’m having this conversation…”

“Welp, being pretty sure ain’t good enough, so let’s find out!” Bill announded.

Dipper stammered, “Wuh—wait, what?! _No!_ ”

“Yessir,” the demon nodded, rubbing the lamp. “Gonna go from Bill Ci to Bill Nye with this experiment! Ha!”

“Seriously, don’t mess with that,” Dipper reitereated, “It’s dangerous!”

Bill shot an incredulous look to the boy. “Well, duh! That’s what makes it even more fun! But first I need to figure out how…”

“Just take it and shove it up your ass,” Dipper huffed to himself.

“Brilliant idea, Pine Tree!” Bill cheered with a wink.

“Agh! No, no, I was joking!”

“And your joke was genius. You humans and your stretchy rectums—it’s perfect!”

Dipper continued to protest against deaf ears as he was forced to watch Bill undress himself—God, it was so awkward to see himself like that! (Was he really that small?)

“Bill, wait!” Dipper shouted as the demon was positioning himself over the lamp.

“Jeez, what? If you want me to stop, reminder: I won’t!”

“No, it’s—I—” Even as a spirit, he had a lump in his throat to push down. “If-if you…just… Since I know I can’t stop you, could you just—can’t believe I’m saying this—but at least use some form of lubrication so you don’t cause any permanent damage,” Dipper pleaded, holding his face in his hands (which, being transparent, didn’t do much).

Bill didn’t even try to hold back his laughter. “Pfffft, _hahahaha!_ Gee, Pine Tree, if it means that much to you, fine.” He continued to snicker as he grabbed a bottle of foot lotion lying nearby (which, frankly, was probably used as lube before) and squirted the contents over the funky lamp.

Bill lowered his puppet’s body down, pressing the lubed tip to his puckered asshole. “Oh God, oh my God,” Dipper repeated to himself. He could practically hear a heart pounding in his ears.

“Ooh, _fuck_ ,” Bill moaned as he forced the lamp to tear into his ass. “This hurts in the best way possible. Ah, and it’s so warm…”

Dipper wanted to wretch.

“Haha, whaddaya know, it _does_ glow!” Bill purred as the light emanated from inside.

“This isn’t good, but...it can’t get any worse,” Dipper tried to console himself as his worried eyes fixated on the glow. “It can’t…”

“Dipper? Where are you? Stan’s looking for you.”

“Wendy?” Dipper gasped. No…she couldn’t walk in on this. Oh God, _please_ , no.

Her footsteps neared. Dipper looked to Bill, who met his gaze with a wicked smile.

“Don’t—”

“Hey Red, I’m in here!” Bill called with a spark in his eyes. In an embarrassed rage, Dipper foolishly dove into an attack on Bill to no avail.

“You’re in Stan’s room? Dude, he’s going to—”

She stood in the doorway, the light framing her silhouette as she wordlessly stared at what looked like Dipper with a lit lava lamp shoved up his ass.

Dipper was close to tears, the unrequited love of his life seeing him like this.

No, it wasn’t him, it was Bill! She’d understand, wouldn’t she? She knew him, she’d be able to tell something was up, wouldn’t she?

…Apparently not.

She broke into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. “Haha _holy shit_ , dude, I didn’t know you were like _that!_ ”

“No, it’s not me! Argh! Bill, you-you—!”

“What, bastard? Shit-faced cockmaster? I don’t care what you say, your suffering is hilarious.” Bill said with a shit-eating grin. “And you can’t stop me.”

“Pffft, and you’re talking to yourself? Ha, you’re so pathetic!”

Dipper internal despair grew as her laugh turned shrill.

Without warning, blood began spewing out of Wendy’s mouth and her body began to melt into the ground.

Bill laughed as Dipper screamed.

 

Gideon jolted awake with the strangest boner.

 

This story is over.

 

Fuck you.


End file.
